12 Dec 2010

Damn There Goes Another Space Bunny

Since my old friend Mr Snypes decided he was enjoying his space-paradise vacation just a little too much, it seemed like a good a time as any to hook up with one of his bunnies from the Space Bunnies Academy. For those who don't know, Snypes runs a rehabilitation program geared towards helping and training former exotic dancers for meaningful careers in space.

The current deployment I find myself on hasn't been rolling as smoothly as I had hoped. The main fleets seemingly rolling out when I'm hooked up to a hibernation unit. So I have found myself roaming various pockets of low-sec space.

During my planned stopover in Ouelletta solar system over in the Gallente war zones I found myself hunched over a bottle of silky-smooth brown liquor, it tasted good and the night was turning into a blur. Faces mingled, people came and went and soft Gallentean music danced through the air from the jukebox over in the corner. And then the music stopped . . .

The jukebox crackled . . .

Something funky crashed into my eardrums and as I began to focus I could make out something . . . . beautiful walking towards me.

Step forward, Goldy.

She took off my aviators and revealed my blurry eyes to the room. Then she grabbed hold of my arm and she led me to the dance floor where we moved around like a couple of electric eels. Just the wild kind of night I had imagined when I sent off a request to the Space Bunnies Academy.

"Fancy showing me the stars, Big Boy?" She whispered seductively in my ear and before I knew it we were undocking the Thrasher into the open vat of space. We bumped around a few of the nearby constellations, carefully avoided a couple of camps and then we watched the stars twinkling by the dashboard lights.

"I haven't come all this way for nothing you know, Miura."

I loosened my collar as a bead of sweat formed on the top of my brow.

"What, w-what do you mean baby." I tried to act cool as my voice went hoarse.

"I want to see combat." She leaped up excitedly from the makeshift bunk that was before a command console and I made my way over to my pod unit.

_ _ _ _ _

"Rifter and Merlin on scan, stand by sweetie, this will be bumpy but we'll be good."

The shiny 200mm autocannons glistened under the sun that was beaming its strength over the asteroid field that we now found ourselves. The two frigates were in view and I burst my micro-warp drive towards them both, with ammunitions loaded and the feed pipes cooking nicely to the guns I was confident we could webify and then blast these two love nest intruders into the thick-black soup of space.


The frigates didn't fancy the engagement as I watched them shoot off towards a nearby space station. I set warp out of the belt, but to my horror we were locked by a newcomer! Drat, a passing Jaguar had been alerted to the activity in the belt. I instructed all heat and cannons onto the assault ship but it was out of a comfortable shield-ripping range and with my engines reduced to a crawl I tried in vain to break its orbit, it was not going well. To make matters somewhat worse we had the wrong ammo type loaded. Shit was hitting the fan. I uncoupled myself from my pod unit and made best speed over to Goldy, strapping her into a crew escape pod then hurrying back to my pod.

That feeling of emptiness when your stomach sinks and then flips over inside you had just hit me. The drunkenness had now worn off and the realisation that this was going to turn sour finally hit home when I noticed all of my autocannons had burnt to a crisp. Smoke fizzled through the ship and red warning lights flashed, sirens wailed. I ordered the remainder of my crew to the escape pods and to prepare for the explosion.


As my pod fell from the security of the craft and into the harshness of the void of space below us I noticed escape pods hurtling past me, but I wasn't going nowhere.

I woke in the medical bay with that new clone headache feeling and a rubbery plasticized mouth. I swirled some water and spat into the sink beside me before hooking up my monitor to check the lossmail in the hope that Goldy had managed to escape freely.

My new heart sank as fresh blood pumped through my body.




  1. you got nothing on my exotic dancer stash.

  2. aaaaoo aaooooo aaooo aoooaa ooaaoaa aooooa oaoao XD

  3. The family of Goldy have kindly asked me to remove the picture. You'll have to use your imagination, sorry guys.