21 Dec 2011

Zodiac and the Rifternauts

The Quest for the Golden Rifter.


Zodiac Black has been prophesied to take the throne of Molden Heath. When he saves Dirty Protagonist from drowning in the pleasure hub's bathing facilities one drunken night in Oddelulf, but does not recognize him as the man who had earlier podded his father in a 1v1 frig fight over in Bosena. Dirty Protagonist tells Zodiac to travel to a mysterious wormhole entrance just outside Paragon Soul to find the Golden Rifter. Zodiac follows his advice and assembles a small fleet of the finest pod pilots in New Eden, including Darkstar Pownyouall, an ancient Brutor mythological hero who flies Firetails and crushes his enemies with his tracking disruptor and his special KEYBOARD SHOUT MOVE.

Standing before them is an unscouted 112 jump roam which they must complete before Zodiac can return to Molden Heath to claim his throne. In order to gain the throne, he must find the magical Golden Rifter, which has immunity to ECM, infinite repping powers and wasp-like agility. The Golden Rifter lies idle at an abandoned pos inside the wormhole, he must claim the ship as his own and then fly it back to Molden Heath. However, all is not as it seems as legend states that the Golden Rifter is guarded by a fleet of advanced cloakies believed to be alts of one person.

They are under the protection of Dian Lung, queen of the Caldari gods. Their roam is replete with battles against Hatcheries, who are part of an alliance of cutthroat winged beasts who stand in their path through nullsec space, a giant bronze statue of Altaen, who would, with the presence of Electus Matari, protect Metropolis from pirates and Amarrian invaders by circling the regional stargates three times daily, a hydra like ECM creature that spawns from the asteroid belts and plexes known as Nergalion, and an animated skeleton army that spring from high-sec gates which the Rifternauts called Eve Uni, all this brought to life under the wizardry of the stars and nebulae of New Eden.


Dirty Protagonist usurps the throne of Molden Heath by podding Wensley, King of the Rifters. However, there is a prophecy that he will be overthrown by a child of Wensley wearing one black leather boot. When he kills one of Wensley's daughters after she had sought and been granted the protection of Dian Lung, Dirty Protagonist makes an enemy of the goddess.

Four expansions and numerous emergency patches later, Zodiac Black, clone son now grown to be a pod pilot, saves the life of Dirty Protagonist during a chance encounter in a hot tub in Oddelulf, but loses one of his black leather boots in doing so. He does not know that he has rescued his father's murderer, but Dirty Protagonist recognizes his nemesis. DP keeps his identity secret. However, he cannot just pod Zodiac; the prophecy also says that he himself would lose all his implants.

When he learns that Zodiac is undertaking a dangerous roam to obtain the fabled Golden Rifter to rally the people of Molden Heath, DP encourages him, hoping that he will be podded in the attempt. Capsuleers from all over New Eden compete for the honor of joining Zodiac. Since their fleet comprises mostly of Rifters, they are dubbed the Rifternauts. Among those chosen are Darkstar Pownyouall and xxxAlloxxx, the son of DP, who is sent by his father to sabotage the roam.

Zodiac is taken to Teonusude top station by Durzo Smith to speak to the gods Sard Caid and Dian Lung. Dian tells him that she wishes him well, but that Sard has imposed restrictions on her assistance (Zodiac, like all capsuleers, is a piece in the game which the gods play against each other. This is an accurate portrayal of Molden Heath life and rarely found in any other region). Zodiac is told that he can only invoke Dian's aid five times (the same number of times his sister called on the goddess by name for help before she was slain). In response to Zodiac's unasked questions, Dian tells him to search for the Rifter in the land of Paragon Soul, on the other side of the wormhole.

Many dangers threaten the roam. When the Rifternauts run perilously low on supplies and ammo, Zodiac turns to Dian. She guides him to a secure cargo container on a planet in Taff solar system in Metropolis, but warns him to take nothing but provisions. However, while chasing some tasty looking space goats, Darkstar and his young friend n00bpwner4000 find a partially-open vault belonging to the gods, surmounted by an enormous bronze statue of Altaen. Despite n00b's warning, Darkstar steals an enormous lump of Megacyte the size of a tracking disruptor. The statue comes to life and attacks, causing much mayhem before Zodiac can destroy it using Dian's advice. n00b goes missing and is presumed podded, but the guilt-ridden Darkstar refuses to leave until he knows for certain. The other Rifternauts will not abandon Darkstar for fear of losing his tracking disrupting powers, so Zodiac is forced to call on Dian for the last time. She confirms that n00b has indeed been podded and that Darkstar is destined not to continue with them.

Dian also directs them to seek out Overnauta, the blind seer, for the way to Paragon Soul. They find him tormented by two blue-skinned, bat-like Hatcheries called Michael Harari and Im Jed, sent by Sard to punish him for misusing his gift of prophecy. In return for imprisoning the flying creatures, Overnauta tells Zodiac what he needs to know and gives him his only possession, an implant that gives a 5 percent bonus to small projectile fire. To reach Paragon Soul however, they must pass through Rancer, a system flanked by towering smartbombs that shake and pulse to destroy any ships attempting to pass through the stargate. Fortunately for the Rifternauts, they learn this second hand. Another ship tries to run the gate from the other direction and is destroyed. In despair, Zodiac ejects Overnauta's gift into space; the god Kane Rizzel emerges and holds back the smartbombs long enough to let the Rifternauts pass through the stargate. On the other side of the gate, they pick up three survivors from the other ship, including Lao Mah, the high priestess of the goddess Kaeda Maxwell.

Michael Harari camps the entrance to EC-P8R

They sight Paragon Soul the next day. xxxAlloxxx and Zodiac disagree on how to approach the owner of the wormhole. The argument escalates into a 1v1 frig fight. Eventually xxxAlloxxx runs out of ammo and ejects into space to escape. Believing him off scan, Zodiac and his fleet accept an invitation from the owner of the wormhole to a feast, but once they are off guard, they are captured and imprisoned inside a pos forcefield. xxxAlloxxx has betrayed them, telling the owner of the wormhole about their mission. However, Lao Mah helps Zodiac and his fleet escape.

xxxAlloxxx tries to steal the Golden Rifter for himself, but is fatally podded by its guardian, the many-ECM-headed Nergalion, who surprises everyone by uncloaking in a Rapier inside the wormhole so far from his home system of Heild.

Nergalion decloaks.

Zodiac succeeds in killing the ECM monster and taking the Golden Rifter. But the owner of the wormhole is not far behind. He scatters the wreckage of Nergalion's Rapier across an asteroid belt and prays to Kaeda-- the goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and magic. The wreckage turns into an armed skeleton anti-pie Eve Uni fleet who pursue and battle Zodiac and two of his fleet with an enormous blob of 50 ships with Griffin and Blackbird support.

Eve Uni await their orders to burn down the enemy.

Seeing that his companions have been jammed and then slain, Zodiac escapes by jumping out of the wormhole and back into Empire space.

The quest fulfilled, he, Lao Mah and the surviving Rifternauts start the return voyage to Molden Heath.


The cast, in no particular order.

Im Jed (Harpie creature #1)


Michael Harari (Harpie creature #2)


Dian Lung (Hera)


Dirty Protagonist (Pelias)


n00bpwner4000 Pounder (Hylas)



Zodiac Black (Jason)


Overnauta (Phineas)

Durzo Smith (Hermes)

Wensley (King Aristo)

Kaeda Maxwell (Hecate)

Lao Mah (Medea)

Kane Rizzel (Triton)


Altaen (bronze statue creature)


xxxAlloxxx (Acastus)

Sard Caid (Zeus)

Nergalion (Hydra)


Eve University (Skeleton Army)

Thank you for reading. This Jason and the Argonauts eve online parody was brought to you by the Friends of Molden Heath Film Productions. All characters are portrayed as a work of fiction. No likeliness is intended with actual characters. Any likeliness is pure coincidence. All corporations and alliances mentioned are the work of fiction. Any likeliness is again, purely fictional and coincidental.