3 Apr 2013

House of Flying Autocannons

MBDOT Film Productions presents - House of Flying Autocannons.

This post is intended as a parody of the wuxia film House of Flying Daggers. If you haven't seen it yet I highly recommend that you go watch it right now! Go on! We'll see you later .... This post pretty much gives away the original plot so *SPOILER WARNING* ...

Further, whilst real New Eden actors and actresses have been used in this production, any characters, corporations and/or alliances appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real characters, corporations or alliances, active or inactive, is purely coincidental.



The once great DED Complex Dynasty is now in decline. Deep in the forests of Black Rise and Placid, numerous rebel splinter groups have formed, the largest of which is the House of Flying Autocannons. The Flying Autocannons steal from the rich faction warfare dwellers and give to the poor, gaining the support of the locals.

The local deputies have managed to kill the leader of the Flying Autocannons, but the rebel group only becomes stronger, due to a mysterious new leader called Miura. Under the guise of the SKRMR tag they claim to be a small band of assassins, who fly the banner of the Hayabusa as the supreme spiritual leaders of the Flying Autocannons.

Logan LaMort and Vincent R'lyeh, rebel captains, are ordered to kill the new leader within ten downtimes.

In order to accomplish this, they arrest Luna Lafisques, a blind exotic dancer who is suspected of being the daughter of the old leader of the Flying Autocannons.

While Luna is incarcerated, Logan and Vince decide to let her go to track the mastermind; Logan will pretend to be a lone warrior called Barrage, and break her out of prison. This will gain her trust, and hopefully, Logan will be led to the headquarters of the Flying Autocannons.

The plan works, but Luna and Logan fall in love on the way. They are followed at a distance by Vincent; Logan and Vincent meet secretly to discuss their plans. Logan jokes about his seduction of the girl; Vincent warns him sternly against getting involved.

To add authenticity to the deception, Vincent and his men ambush the pair: the fight is, however, an elaborate fake. The bullets from the fleet of Rifters swooping above the forests are simply dummy rounds. Further on, they are attacked again, but this time their assailants are apparently for real: Logan and Luna battle for their lives in the dusty asteroid fields, being saved only by the intervention of an unseen autocannon-thrower. Furious, Logan confronts Vincent: Vincent explains that he has reported the matter up the chain of command and his general has taken over the pursuit. Logan realizes that he is now expendable.

Once again, Logan and Luna are attacked by the General's men. They are hopelessly outnumbered; at the last minute they are saved when the House of Flying Autocannons reveal themselves from behind a darkened stargate. Logan and Vincent are captured and taken to their headquarters. At this point, a number of surprising revelations are made. Luna is not blind, nor is she the old leader's daughter - she was merely pretending to be. Vincent is in fact an undercover agent for the House of Flying Autocannons, which has engineered the whole chain of events in order to draw the General into a decisive battle. Furthermore, Vincent is in love with Luna: he has waited for three expansions for her whilst working undercover.

Luna, however, cannot bring herself to love Vincent: over the last few days she has fallen for Logan. But as Logan is now a liability, she is ordered by Miura, the leader of the House of Flying Autocannons, to pod him and remove all his medical clones. Instead Luna takes him away then frees him from his bonds before they make love in the asteroid field. Logan then begs Luna to flee with him, but she is torn between her love and her duty to the House, as well as guilt over Vincent; Logan leaves alone, bolting into the skies in an old Rifter.

Luna finally decides to fly after Logan, but is ambushed on the Ostingele Forest gate by Vincent who is embittered by her rejection and consumed by jealousy for Logan. Luna, not realizing that Vincent has thrown two autocannons stuck together, only manages to ward off one before the other strikes her in the chest. As Luna lies dying, Logan returns to find Vincent, and they begin an epic battle of honor and revenge, fighting from asteroid belt to ice field.

Luna, regaining consciousness, grabs the autocannon in her chest and threatens to pull it out and to throw it in order to kill Vincent if Vincent kills Logan with his throwing cannon; in doing so Luna would sacrifice her own life, as it would enable the blood to flow and cause her to bleed to death. Logan begs her not to do it, willing to die rather than let her be killed. Infuriated, Vincent throws his arm out as if to throw an autocannon at Logan, leading Luna to rip the autocannon out of her own heart and throw it, not at Vincent but instead in an attempt to deflect Vincent's attack and save Logan. However, all her autocannon does is deflect a droplet of blood, as Vincent never let go of his autocannon.

Vincent stumbles off into the ice field as a grief-stricken Logan holds Luna's lifeless body, singing the song originally sung by Luna at the beginning in the Exotic Pavilion in Pelille.

In the north there is a beauty; surpassing the universe, she stands alone.
A glance from her will overthrow a corp; another glance will overthrow an alliance.
One can not know whether it will be a corp or an alliance that will be overthrown.
But it would be difficult to behold such a beauty again.


Logan LaMort

Luna Lafisques

Vincent R'lyeh




  1. If we meet in person, we should shag. It'd be good, I promise.

    1. That sounds like a great plan!

      (what does shag mean again in US of A?)


    2. Anyone who has to promise that it will be good has to be lacking in some department :P
      A wonderful tale, where all characters bare no resemblance to anyone that I know.
      P.S Vince sounds like a cad and a scoundrel.

    3. Vince is a cad and a scoundrel. He was the perfect actor for this role. :p

  2. What a dashing group of heroes, heroines & villains!

  3. Get in line, Sard.

  4. This comment section got wierd even faster than normal....