22 Jun 2012

The Jump Clone Debacle

In the hectic schedule of the cult leader, sometimes messages slip through the net and end up 'clogged' in the system. There were multiple messages flashing up on my console as I returned to office in the early hours of the morning.

Just an FYI MB in case you didn't get my message in corp chat yesterday. I have dropped roles and will be leaving corp in order to get some Jump Clones. I have delayed doing this too long. Why play this game in a semi handcuffed position at least as far as mobility in New Eden is concerned.
I trust you will NOT give me any problems with respect to my return. ~Lhorenzho

Coincidentally, about the same time as I was reviewing my correspondence for the day, the Black Rebel communications systems were in the middle of a technical glitch, a blackout of sorts, and most parts of intel and chat were lost to many members. Panic ensued as access revoked warnings popped up on the member's  individual data screens in their rooms and some pilots even thought for a moment they had been kicked from the roster.

On the public feed, various messages began to circulate.

I've lost access to the forums! What is this?

Hey guys, I've been removed from the forums, what gives?! Am I still in corp!?

Erm, can I have my access back please I was in the... erm, middle of something!

Hey where did the forums go?! I had to login to see if Bull hadn't kicked me for repeated ship spinning violations.

The ever flamboyant and controversial director of R1FTA, Lhorenzho, who was readying his travel bag for his Jump Clone Holiday and temporary absence from his duties, saw it fit to wade in and offer reassurance to his members.

Hey Guys don't feel bad.

I am "On the Outside looking In" as the splendid Little Anthony and the Imperials used to sing. 

I am evidently now considered a blight, a pariah of some kind to my former corpmates in my beloved BRRC. 

I hear the vindictive BULL plans to block all my efforts to rejoin the Rebels once my stint with Estel Arador is complete. 
(I HAD to leave my dear cultist Boss as I need Jump Clones! How else can I blindly follow you all over this great Universe.)

Only the Bull can, as Flavius said in Julius Ceasar, "soar above the view of men and keep us all in servile fearfulness"
(I left to BETTER serve you dear BULL)

I am currently incommunicado.  

My access to the forums GONE. 
My company issued credit cards CANCELLED! 
My Rebel communication device neutralized and is now non functional. 
Hangar access and all registration papers to my uber expensive world class collection of ships have been revoked. 
My old quarters, I have been told by my mole, are now occupied by an ungrateful and wily young femme fatale who used my benign infatuation for her (platonic) against me and now has all my possessions under her control.
Why Lao?? 

NO ONE has been more loyal to this corporation. 
My entire sense of self worth is inextricably intertwined with this corporate entitiy. 
I have been told that part of the problem is that I have been too "vocal" in my comments to the great and powerful KAEDA MAXWELL! 

There may be some truth to that statement, but I felt compelled to speak up or risk having this administrative profit driven juggernaut that is Kaeda Maxwell, completely swallow up our corporation. 
His ambition, as many of you will soon realize knows no bounds. 

The ungrateful Miura Bull foments intense feelings of ambivalence in me! 

I love the kid and I hate the kid. 
He has turned his back on me. There can be no mistake about that. I am under no illusions that he will EVER let me back into the BRRC. Apparently, my run as Corporate Jester is over. 
This Payaso as they say in spanish can no longer effectively elicit belly laughs from corporate bigwigs and has been handed his floppy clown hat and shown the door. 

SO BE IT! There are many options an aging, gout riddled, colostomy bag wearing, scoliosis suffering senior citizen can exercise! 

I am a survivor BULL!!! 
With any luck, I can approach my beloved WAFFLES for re-instatement to their PvP colossus. 
I still have some friends over there and I am sure some of them will still take my calls!

Now, I had been called away on some urgent business over at the Interstellar Cultist Convention that was taking place over in Placid and did not have time to respond to the messages now building up in my inbox and on our public data feed. This was seen by the ever disruptive Lhorenzho as an act of ignorant silence.

The silence of my leader during this my most trying time of desolation and acute isolation is the deepest cut of all.

Someone once said......"Like flies to wanton boys, are we to the Gods, they kill us for their sport"

A GOD, in whatever realm can kill both the body AND the spirit. Is the death of one to be preferred over the other?

My spirit is vanquished, driven to that sorry state by the BULL's attitude of overwhelming indifference to my current condition in New Eden.

Yes, he may be busy, hustling and bustling about as he attends to his administrative duties, but life has priorities. 
The mental health of your trusted corp of Directors must be maintained. 

Is an accord with Eve Uni of such monumental importance that all else is subordinated?

Are the machinations and intrigue found at the table of diplomacy so intoxicating that they compel one to let such affairs of state diminish and delegitimize the insult felt by a loyal servant at being discarded as so much flotsam? 

Are the furtive, approving glances of Unista leadership at a conference where the stench of appeasement wafts through the air worth inflicting continuing anguish on a trusted and loyal subject?

EVE uni can wait! 


The great BULL, once bristled with anger and indignation at the mere inference that he was not the equal of other renowned men of power in New Eden. 

The GODS OF EVE we called them. 

I am NOT a lesser God he bellowed!!

We, his minions, felt compelled to assuage his gargantuan bruised ego and loudly proclaimed to the heavens by way of our collective voices, a cacophonous roar of sycophantic trumpeting that left no doubt the depth and breadth of our undying devotion and adoration to his inspired leadership. 

Such are the emotions and motivational power that can be marshalled by those skilled in the art of the CULT.

I recall, how we as one, proudly raised our voices and yelled as if our very existence depended on it, "YOU ARE A GOD MIURA BULL!"

We accorded the mighty BULL his fine measure of RESPECT! 

Does not this embellished act of loyalty not warrant at the least a glance or a few words of comfort from he who we hold in such regard, who I hold in such regard? 

One word may suffice. Can you not utter one word?

Why the heartless prolongongation of the mental torment of your trusted director?

Give me peace of mind dear BOSS. 

Blunt my pain and assuage MY ego dear friend. 


This was turning into an interesting saga. Lhorenzho, the director with the opinion, the loud voice in a room of loud voices, once my trusted and loyal advisor, my henchman and spokesperson at times of need, what was he doing? Was he turning the screw in an attempt to spring some sort of favour towards a coup? After all, he had talked about his plans so openly in the past.

Would it be possible now to even consider that the office that Lhorenzho once adorned with his self-portraits and other self-gratifying paraphernalia be opened again? Could he once again sit in that black leather executive office chair of his? Could he be trusted again?

A few hours later one of my associates alerted me to an article that was doing the rounds on the local neocoms, it was from the New Eden Business Journal. I could not believe my eyes.

New Eden  Business Journal


Bix Bixley - correspondent

A celebrated leader has come under fire for his apparent failure to anticipate the effects of his proposed efforts to reconfigure a New Eden corporate entity long known for its loose internal structure. 

Miura Bull, one of the sectors most recognizable pirate Icons, and long known as a figure whose management style relied heavily on unquestioned devotion from a corporate demographic notable for its youthful exuberance and abhorrence of heavy handed management techniques,has experienced an unprecedented pushback by factions within his organization who are resisting his efforts to effect change.

The more tradition minded elements within The BLACK REBEL RIFTER CLUB (R1FTA) are urging MB (a term of endearment reserved for his cronys) to consider maintaining at least a semblance of contemporary management methodologies based on a fiat of corporate bylaws. 

Many of the opponents of the proposed sweeping changes spoke passionately as they detailed their concerns regarding Miura Bull’s bold initiatives, which many feel will destroy a corporate milieu that has not been successfully implemented or duplicated in any other organization.

The Black Rebel Rifter Club, an organization formed over a year ago by “Da Bull”, as he is affectionately called, prides itself on living and operating by a “do your own thing” philosophy that resonates deeply with the membership.  

“We have something unique going here!” stated a senior corporate director who chose to remain anonymous.

“There is no reason to trifle with what has already proven to be a winning formula! I am not one of the “kids” by any means but I can identify with their desire to maintain our current system as it makes it easy to cater to each members comfort zone." 

Da Bull has to realize that any changes are going to move us away from the sweet spot and I fear Miura is going to get some real complaints coming his way. I hope he reconsiders. 

I won’t mention any names but there are some overly aggressive capitalist types in our organization that I fear are having an undue influence on our leader! 

These guys are pushing expansion and they don’t care if the growth destroys the current configuration, which I might add has been very successful!”

Although most of the directors in the company were understandably reticent to comment, we were able to elicit some more substantial opinions from a former director who has since left the Black Rebels. 

Lhorenzho, a former active director and self proclaimed right hand man of Miura Bull, who is currently a member of the Estel Arador corporation was able to provide some additional feedback. In the interest of full disclosure we must add that he did insist on a guarantee that his comments would be protected under current whistleblower legislation.

After some initial negotiation in the presence of legal counsel, Lhorenzho did provide much needed background data and particularily telling were his insights into the persona that is Miura Bull.

"Look, I am by no means going to soft peddle this shit. Miura Bull, as anyone who has ever dealt with him closely will tell you is no angel. He is a force of nature. Devilishly intriquing and at once both menacing and charming.
But, understand, he is first and foremost a pirate and a damn good one, but he clearly prized blowing ships up over spending a couple of hours doing some basic research. 
Seriously, the developments that we find here could easily have been avoided by just a cursory glance at some basic books on business fundamentals. This crap is classic textbook case study shit straight from the old Stanford or Harvard business schools. The age old dilemna of explosive growth colliding with conflicting visions of where a company should be steered!
You fucked it up MB! Look, you may have heard that some of my critics are alleging that I am bitter and that I am jealous and that I was forced out by Da Bull for conduct unbecoming and I am here to tell you that those allegations are untrue. I still love that kid, but I will be damned if I will compromise my beliefs and alter my modus operandi to suit his sometimes chaotic business practices! I WON"T do it! One of the young pups in the corporation I am currently in overheard some of my recorded statements and said I was JELLY, which I believe is some quaint vernacular that intimates I am jealous of Da Bull. That is simply not true! That Rebel company is a powder keg in its current state, but if anyone can turn the situation around and make a go of it I would have to say its MB. We will see won't we?"

These comments as expressed by "Lhorenzho" were similiar to comments made by many who were inspired to come forward and speak.
Miura Bull has been accused of being a cultist and it is not difficult to appreciate why such claims take root!
Many great companies have inspirational and visionary leaders as their developmental catalysts.

Miura Bull has done this before.

This is in essence the second rendition of the organization. 

There was an earlier version of the BRRC started by Miura Bull which records indicate operated from 4/17/2010 to 9/14/2010. 

This initial foray into corporate creation and management by The Bull was apparently not successful and was closed without explanation by the mysterious pirate entrepreneur. 

No one has ever been able to discern with certainty the reason for this closure although there is no shortage of speculation.

Rumors, as yet unsubstantiated have hinted at issues with drugs and also raised the specter that a multitude of payoffs to women to silence their allegations that Da Bull had fathered  a  brood of illegitimate children, all contributed to the financial compromise of the initial Black Rebel Rifter Club, resulting in its disbanding in late 2010.

Subsequent to the failure of BRRC 1.0, Miura Bull, according to Empire records, sought and found refuge in a variety of New Eden companies, to include Blackwater USA and a relatively short stint with the controversial GUNPOINT DIPLOMACY group, led by Sard Caid, a well-known capsuleer in his own right who has garnered some notoriety in recent times for operating a successful New Eden TV stream that focuses primarily on Player versus Player combat. 

This divulging of sensitive information to local media sources was a damning and cold betrayal. I slammed my fist down hard on my desk. I take a couple of days away from the grind and mixed together with a glitch in the comms system and this is how I am thanked. I had to think fast, what sort of fitting punishment could be handed down?

This was not the first time Lhorenzho had embarrassed his leader. I remember with angst sometime earlier in the year when challenged by Lhorenzho to a solo kills competition for the month, watching with disgust as he went about murdering every cyno ship in New Eden he could lay his grubby hands on. He had very cleverly laid down a challenge that he simply could not lose, such was the abundance of his chosen target for the month. My disdain for the practice of easy cyno kills and the way he had gone about engineering his victory and then flaunting it so brazenly in my face filled me with hate. Revenge had been on my lips now for some time, and right now in my office, as I studied the information in front of me, I could taste it.

The corporate neocom blinked.

Reinstatement please.

Gentleman I am ready to come back. Please process my re-entry to corp. AND......don't give me no fucking bullshit!

In a rage of fury I threw my fist smack into the middle of the neocom screen. The bastard! This was getting sinister, what kind of evil plan was this madman hatching now? Was I just paranoid or did I have reason to fear the way this sycophant was playing his little game? I did not want to let him back in. Or should I? I was torn..... I wanted revenge and some form of token embarrassment planted firmly on Lhorenzho's smug shoulders.

I decided there and then on the introduction of a corporate oath, that all new members and former members returning should take before admittance into the ranks. A short ceremony where the applicant swore by this oath on bended knee would also be implemented into the new application process.

In the presence of this Black Jacket, which represents our Leader, I swear to devote all my energies and my strength to the saviour of our Corporation, the almighty and powerful Miura Bull. My words will never be against Him and my love for him will remain Loyal. I am willing and ready to give up my clone for him, so help me God.

And with that, with thanks to Lhorenzho, the R1FTA Oath was passed into corporate law. I await his fealty on his returning to corp.



  1. Vincent appears in the R1FTA ready room............for some reason wearing full Caldari Anti-Riot armour including stun-shield & nerve-stick.

    Unscrewing the end of the nerve-stick he raises it to his lips & takes a deep swig from whatever evil juice the Judge has supplied him this time.

    When the sparks stop dancing from his hair & his eyeballs stop steaming Vinnie slumps slowly down against the wall and looks around at the other members sprawled across various sofa's, bar stools & full immersion AV rigs............

    'You guys better put something a bit more protective on, I just saw Lhorenzho heading for the bosses office...........He was wearing a suspiciously lumpy jacket........'

  2. Brilliantly played sir, brilliantly played.

    However! I cannot foresee the rebellious scoundrel allowing himself to be made a mock of in front of all his fellow corp-mates by taking such an oath.

    I fear you may have pushed him into an open confrontation my friend, one which could very well result in civil war. But for better or for worse? Who can say?

  3. As Menenius said:
    "His nature is too noble for the world.
    He would not flatter Neptune for his trident
    or Jove for his power to Thunder!"

    Let us not air our dirty linen in public dear Boss. Hit the accept button and we can talk in private, face to face, one corpmember to another. NO?

  4. things would be much simpler if you just made sure all applicants had hairy butts.

  5. Not sure if trolling

    or serious.

  6. Not sure if trolling??? Pick your sides ladies and gentlemen, scum and villainy. I for one have chosen. My side arm is loaded and my Rifter is ready for battle.